Today my novel is taking over the blog. Originally, I told it to post on what my story is about. I told it to share about my characters and all the wonderful things that are to happen in this desert, fantasy story of mine. But, since my novel likes being difficult, it merely shrugged and said, "I do what I want."
So now instead of talking about Song of the Desert, my novel stubbornly demanded that it talk about the agony of being a novel. Sorry, I really gotta learn how to control it. I promise the post on Song of the desert WILL come. If my novel cooperates. -.^
Most of the post is written BY my novel, but for the few instances I have to interrupt it, my writing will be in bold and italics.
Anyways, I welcome to the blog, my novel!
Well, hey-o, all.
I'm Katie's novel. You can call me TAN if you want to call me by a name. (TAN = totally. awesome. novel. Yes, I'm full of myself. Quite literally. Ha.)
She told me not to ramble on for too long, but, I am a novel after all, and a 90,000 word one at that. So I'm not promising anything.
Um, you promised me you wouldn't ramble.
I'm in charge.
*backs away, grumbling*
Katie wanted me to talk about characters, plot, and all that stuff. Will I honor her wishes? Ha. No. I'm going to talk about how hard it is to be a novel. You're probably not a novel, so you don't know how hard it is to be one. Whether you want to know or not, here's why it's hard to be a novel.
No, but really. Katie complains way too much about editing. She thinks it's hard? HOW ABOUT GETTING YOUR INSIDES REWRITTEN AND WORKED AROUND AND CUT OUT? HUH?
Tan, you're a novel. It's not really going to--
--Shh. Editing kills me. Now let me finish the post, okay?
Writers: be gentle while editing. It hurts us. We're always there for you (whether we like it or not, grr...), so please be patient and kind to us.
Katie gets furious--
--er, only "kind of" furious. *ahem*
*grumps* I repeat myself: Katie gets furious when she loses work from her novel. She'll desert me for days and glare at my words when she returns, rewriting them with endless amounts of sighing and huffing. It makes me feel sad. Novels have feelings, too. Blame yourself or whoever you want. Just not us.
My author won't. stop. fiddling. with. me. There's CONSTANT changes -- making the text a different color seven times in one day, changing the font again and again and again, or font size.
Since you're all mortal, lowly humans, let me give you an analogy. Imagine someone--you don't particularly like--and imagine them being around you five hours a day. Now imagine them poking you. Tickling you. Scratching you. Talking nonstop.
Sounds like a nightmare, yeah? Well, being a novel is a nightmare.
Katie likes to do this. I sometimes wonder if she does it just to aggravate me.
Um, I do not.
You lie. let me talk.
Think about it. I, Tan, am a novel. I'm made of words, sentences, scenes, and chapters. So when you cut out a chapter, it's like cutting off an arm. It's like getting rid of seven toes. IT'S NOT VERY FUN OKAY I WISH WRITERS WOULD STOP DOING THAT TO NOVELS BECAUSE IT'S REALLY REALLY UPSETTING AND--
-- hey, Tan? Calm down.
I will calm down once you stop ripping me to pieces.
Um, I don't know if you need to go over this point, Tan...
You complain about me enough. I have the right to complain of you.
. . . -.-
Sometimes, Katie won't stop with the complaining. She'll groan about how awful I am. She'll mope about all the changes she needs to make to me. She talks about how I'm just not good enough and how she's scared to show her "baby" to others.
Um, excuse me? I AM WHO I AM. Not everyone's gonna like me. I'm a grumpy old novel. But she shouldn't be the one complaining about me. If anything, I should be. And I'm perfectly proud of myself. I'm filled with genius.
Authors, stop complaining. We novels are doing everything we can.
NOVEL RIGHTS, PEOPLE! We have to deal with everything above, and to add on to that, we can't write our story. I want to keep a chapter, and Katie goes ahead and delete the thing. I want things to stay as they are? They end up changing. It's like getting tattoos on your body without permission. Being a novel downright stinks sometimes.
Okay, that's enough of the permissive, Tan. How about some things you like about being a novel?
Sometimes you kill characters and in turn I get to feed on people's agony and tears. I like it.
. . . We're ending this post.
- TAN (totally. awesome. novel.)
I, Tan (Katie's novel), will be answering comments today. If you have any questions about being a novel, I'll probably answer them if Katie isn't editing me like crazy. (Or get YOUR novels to comment. I need a novel support group.)
Katie here. I will be monitoring Tan's comments, so if you happen to have any comments for me, please direct them my way. :)