DEAR SENIOR YEAR,

Saturday, August 19, 2017
In a few weeks, it will be fall. It's hard to believe -- as a barista I'm bracing myself for the pumpkin-spice craving rampages, and as a student I'm bracing myself for my final year of school. *distant, terrified screaming*

A while back I wrote "dear senior year" as an idea for a blog topic. I honestly can't remember what sort of route I wanted to take this, but it sounds like a letter to the upcoming school year, so I'm going to treat it as such. It might be more of a rambling, "here's what's currently on my mind" type of post, but we'll give it a try.


dear senior year,

I thought you'd never come.

I know -- I'm wrong to doubt -- but I remember being a little girl counting down the years on my fingers until I'd graduate school. First I had to use both hands, all ten fingers for ten years, but eventually I only needed one hand, and now I can count my remaining year on one finger.

No matter how many times I tell this to myself, it doesn't seem to sink in: I'm graduating in less than a year. I'm going to be an adult in less than a year.

Um. What. (???!)

Half of me is still convinced that I am a little child. I'm writing this post on my desk, and just yesterday I spontaneously danced in the rain. I don't like vegetables. Animated movies are my favorite. I don't play and make believe stories with my dolls anymore, but I do that with characters and isn't that basically the same thing?

But then the other half is me is so ready. I've never been one to enjoy school, and the thought of working instead actually excites me. Still -- it's scary and involves adulting and even more busyness.

I remember watching the seniors in our Church -- they stood around in circles and talked instead of playing games. They were so much older and mature and welcoming and kind. Now it's crazy to think that I'm in their position. Except I don't feel as mature as they looked. You bet I'm playing a gym game if there's a chance. :P

Life, from now until this time next year, is going to change an insane amount. Graduating! Turning 18! Full-time job! Possibly querying! Buying a car! Writing two books! Publishing fifty more blog posts! Hopefully making new friends! Strengthening old friendships! 

Lots and lots of new things. o.o

I'm realizing that, even though I really don't like school, there's something strangely comforting about it. It's what I've done for twelve years of my life -- there's ease in the known! There's no thinking about what comes next; I just do the next lesson in my workbook day after day after day after day...

But I'm learning that transitions like this will happen all throughout my life. I'm a writer, obviously (hopefully that's not hard to figure out). Lord willing, I'll eventually transition from this book writing stage to the publishing world. It'll be the scary unknown of graduating highschool all over again.

The unknown is daunting -- the uncertainty of "what's going to come next?" But do you know what's the good thing about all of this?
No one goes through the journey of life alone.
It may seem like it at times, I know, but even when people fail you, God is still there. Everyone is struggling with something in their life, and he's there for all of it. 

And that's one of the most comforting things (yes, even more comforting than a giant cheese pizza in your lap while curled up in a fuzzy blanket watching the best movie ever) in the world. 

I'm not sure what this post turned into... but enjoy or relate or take from it what you will. Sometimes blog posts turn into an overhaul of thoughts. xD

<3,
katie grace

what new experiences is fall bringing for you?

76 comments :

  1. This is beautiful, Katie. I hate change with a passion, and yet, I seem always trying to change things? I guess it just my hunger for control. But that isn't really what life's about, is it? I wish you the best on your scary/happy/exciting/stressful last year of school. Dream big, girl! I'm still looking forward to reading your books!

    ~ Pip

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    1. Thank you, Pip. Change is a bitter-sweet type of thing -- there are good and bad things about it so it's hard for me to tell if I hate change or just some aspects about change.

      *hugs* You dream big, too, girl. I know you'll accomplish great things. <3

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  2. Ack yes. <333 I loved this post. It's so thoughtful and real. I can absolutely relate to all of it.

    The seniors at church - yess. I have that even now, with the other people my age. Somehow they seem more...somethingy than I am. And though I'm usually fine with that, there's always /those days/ when everything just seems difficult.

    It always is good to have that reminder that we're /never ever/ alone. <33

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    1. Right?? It is strange and I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that. It's my last year in youth group, though, so I hope to strive to be the welcoming senior to the younger kids because I know how overwhelming it can seem from their point of view. Weird how quickly time passes and I went from young to old. o.o

      I know. <3 <3 <3 Thanks, Jane. I'm really glad I know you through the blogging world <3

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  3. This was such a cool post. <3 <3 <3

    For me, fall means that school is gonna be a thing again, choir/ensembles are falling back into my life, and stress and anxiety are probably about to make their grand entrance. XD So yeah, part of me is dreading the fall, but another part of me is excited since I'm hoping to have a little bit of fun this year with homeschool events, dances, etc.

    Also on a completely unrelated note, I FINALLY SAW SPIDER-MAN HOMECOMING A LITTLE WHILE BACK AND FEEL COMPELLED TO TELL YOU (did I already tell you?? I can't rememberšŸ˜«). THE PLOT TWIST WAS SO GREAT.

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    1. Eee THANK YOU <3

      Yikes, school. >.< What grade will you be going into? BUT YOU GOT THIS. Yeah, there will be scary parts, but I'm hoping that overall it'll be the best thing ever. <3

      AHH YESS. I think you might've told me but I DON'T REALLY CARE BECAUSE I CAN ALWAYS FLAIL OVER SPIDER-MAN HOMECOMING. *dies over the plot twist and the scene on the beach and the tears and smol peter doing his best asdjkfl;*

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    2. I'm a senior now. XD *throws confetti*

      YES OMG THE PLOT TWIST AND THE SCENE ON THE BEACH OMG I CANT BREATH LOL ITS SO BEAUTIFUL AND FLAILWORTHY

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  4. I'm going to be a sophomore this year, and I'm kind of freaking out. But I'm also excited. Technically, schools already started for me, so I'm already a sophomore?.... but it doesn't count for one more week.

    Good luck with your last year of school, Katie. You can do this! Just keep praying!

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    1. oOOOH YIKES. you got this. I hope that little bit of excitement lasts throughout the year! xD

      Thank you! And thanks for the reminder. <3

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  5. I'm scared of change. And I just came to the strange realization that I'm growing up.

    Just like you, I like school because I know what's going to happen and I know how to do my things and it's easy. I don't know what I'm going to do when I graduate.

    I guess we all just have to trust in God. There's really nothing else we can do.

    Thanks for the post, Katie. <33

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    1. I completely understand that feeling. I only have one more year of being a "child," and that suddenly became very real to me.

      Well, you're not the only one. Lots of us feel the same way. :P We'll get through this together and with God! <3

      Thanks for commenting, Zane. :D

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    2. Ugh, adulting is so hard...#thestruggleisreal

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  6. This is coming so soon for me and I have the exact same feels <333 Really beautiful Katie. You are so quotable!!!

    Anna | www.worldthroughherheart.blogspot.com

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    1. Eee thanks, Anna! Your words are so kind. <33

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  7. Than you so much for this encouraging post, Katie! We have a lot of the same thoughts about this senior year. I'm so glad to call you a friend. <3

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    1. Thanks for reading, Alea! Glad to call you a friend as well. <3

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  8. Wow, it's hard to believe that this was where I was just a year ago. I'm starting my first semester of college next week, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't freaking me out a little. Senior year is weird because it's so wildly different from person to person (especially if you're dual enrolled/a homeschooler). Some people are taking two classes and relaxing 85% of the time, some are working three jobs and taking 17 hours of honors courses or something. You figure it out in the end. There's so much that can change in that time, you know? Good luck with your year!

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    1. It's crazy how fast time flies. xD

      YOU GOT THIS, ERIKA. What classes are you taking? I believe in you and know you can do this, even though it's an extremely hard and stressful new thing. I hope you'll keep me updated throughout the year on how college goes for you! <3

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    2. Honors Psychology, Prob & Stats, Art History, and this one college life class for freshmen. I'm fairly exited about most of my courses, but it's still going to be a crazy year since I'm living at home and driving an hour to class most days. I'm in an odd situation where my school is an hour in one direction and my church, friends, and other activities are an hour in the opposite direction. Gonna be driving a lot, haha. Anyway, I think it'll mostly be fine once I have a steady job and schedule. What classes are you taking?

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  9. <3 very lovely. I can so relate to your feelings. I know. Still three fingers held up on my hand for my school years but I am going to savor it because time flies so fast :) but as for what fall is going to bring - we're moving. Like across the country (wow). That is a huge happening and will take a lot of work so I'll be suuuuper busy for the rest of the year. Also no school till we get there. Yay.

    Lisa
    @ inkwell

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    1. Whoah, you still have three more years left? I thought you were older than that. xD

      YOU'RE MOVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY?! Oh my goodness, that's... that's a big change. Are you excited? Scared? *hugs* Let me know how that goes for you.

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    2. Well I'm fifteen going on sixteen in the fall xD technically I should be going to grade 11 buuut I'm a grade behind all my fellow North American high schoolers and the reason for that is a long explanation about school in other countries starting at seven rather than six :P

      YES I KNOW - BIG CHANGE. I'm ... excited actually :D I'm used to moving. We move house very often (every couple years xD). And so far I've lived in two countries and three provinces. Unfortunately now I can't take you up on visiting tho :( I'd totally have asked you to come for pizza someday but ah ... looks like that won't be so possible anymore :/

      I'll definitely keep you in the know :) *hugs back* <3

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  10. Oh my, I know how you feel. It's sooo strange, knowing you're getting ready to start your SENIOR YEAR. You're so ready, but at the same time you are SO not ready.
    I totally get what you said about school being comforting! I mean, we spend thirteen years despising getting up in the morning because of it, and we couldn't even imagine actually missing it, but then you get to that final stretch and it starts to get kind of sad, thinking about leaving it behind. And now that I've graduated and gotten a job, I think sometimes I would trade it to be back in school in a heartbeat. Crazy, huh? xP But growing up is so bittersweet.
    And the fact that I'm not in this alone is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. Not knowing what's up ahead, where I'm going, is terrifying at times, but knowing without a doubt that God's in control is so comforting. <3

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    1. RIGHT?

      Exactly! Where are you working now? Do you enjoy it?

      I completely agree. Thanks for sharing. <3

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  11. I so relate to this post. The thought of being a senior this year is downright weird. I've been planning to write a post like this for a while, but honestly, I don't think I've wanted to accept the fact that yes, I AM a senior now. XD The future is scary, but I think you're going to rock it, Katie Grace. <3

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    1. It's strangely comforting how many people can relate to this post. It truly does show that we're in this together. :P

      YOU'RE GOING TO ROCK IT TOO, GRACE. <3

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  12. I know how you're feeling.... I just spent my first night in my college dorm (AHHH) and change is weird. But also fun and scary and exciting and strange and awesome!

    Enjoy your senior year and find some super fun things to do to celebrate throughout!

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    1. OH MY GOODNESS REALLY?! What are you going to college for?

      Eee thank you! I'll eat lots of pizza. ;)

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  13. Good luck, Katie! I hope your senior year is a blast.

    This was such a warm, nostalgic post ?! I really loved reading it and now I'm thinking I could be feeling the same dread + excitement in three-ish years (this year is freshman year) because real-worlding seems so scary but pretty cool at the same time 0.0

    - andrea at a surge of thunder

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    1. I'm now becoming surprised by everyone's ages as they comment what year they're going into. I thought you were at least a senior if not older?? Crazy. XD

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  14. Aw, I relate to this so much. Especially the counting down to year of graduation. Now that I'm here, I'm like, "Wait, I'm a senior??" And I just can't really wrap my head around the fact that I'm /almost/ an adult. It's crazy to think that the adult years are what take up the majority of your life (generally speaking). My childhood is almost over, and it's never coming back. It's kind of sad but exciting and also scary all at once. Thank you for this beautifully written, thought provoking post! <3

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    1. RIGHT IT'S CRAZY. o.o I'm so excited to see where you'll go in life, Hannah dear. <3

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  15. As someone who is currently taking on the adult world with a bat. Enjoy this year! Don't worry too much about acting grown up. You seem to already have a good sense of what you want to do, and that is a great start.

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    1. Thanks, Skye. Ha, it may seem that way but I have actually no idea. I'm a little lost. :P Hopefully I'll get an idea sometime soon here. xD

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  16. I'm going into my Sophomore year, and I am feeling the time slowly slipping by. I wish you all the best for your senior year. That's kind of scary, but like you said, God is still there! Through it all.

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    1. YOU CAN DO THIS. I know you can conquer your sophomore year, Evangeline. :D <3

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  17. Congratulations!

    Personally, I'm going to a college (not a university, but a college that you can go to before uni and I hope I like it. I'm doing a one year Creative Writing and Cultural Studies course.

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    1. Thank youuu!

      Ooh, that sounds super interesting. Creative writing is great. ;)

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  18. Have a great senior year! Enjoy it, in spite of the craziness that comes with it. And don't feel overwhelmed by the fact that you don't feel as mature as you perceived the people ahead of you to be--I've decided that adult life is feeling confused, overwhelmed, and childish and just having to put on a bold face in spite of those feelings.

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    1. I think a lot more people than I realize are feeling the same sort of feelings I am. I think we're all just trying to find our place in this world while we're in it. :)

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  19. GAH YES senior year terrifies me as well. I'm super excited for Fall though xD

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    1. YESS fall is a very good part about it. xD

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  20. I relate to this post so much! Last year (and the beginning of this year) was so crazy for me. As the months passed by the realization of me becoming an adult was hitting me and I was feeling so stressed out. I didn't feel like an 18 year-old - I felt like I should be 16! XD I'll be honest, I had some tears shed over the stress of turning 18 and graduating, but now it's all already happened. And I feel completely the same as I did a year ago! Though, I have gained some confidence and grown in my maturity, but I'm like practically the same person. O_O
    So, if you're freaking out about the changes the next year will bring, don't worry. Everything doesn't happen as fast and crazy as we make it seem in our heads. God's got this. :)
    Enjoy the first day of your last year of school (when it comes)! :D
    ~Jaclynn~

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    1. RIGHT?! Goodness, it comforts me that everyone else has some of these feelings, too. *hugs* Thank you for your kind words, Jaclynn! I wish you the best of luck in this upcoming school year as well. :D

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  21. Senior year is so scary, but you've got this! Soak up every moment, and turn to God when things get tough. Gook luck! :)

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    1. Ooh, yes. That's a great reminder, Hannah. THANK YOUU. <3

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  22. This year is my senior year too. It feels so weird, knowing that after this, I won't be doing school anymore...I'll be, like, a person. XD
    THIS ~> "I don't play and make believe stories with my dolls anymore, but I do that with characters and isn't that basically the same thing?" So true...XD

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    1. RIGHT? We'll no longer be conformed schooling robots! :P

      Hehehe I thought all you fellow writers would relate. ;)

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  23. We're in this together, girl! Let's make this last year our best! :)

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  24. I think that this is my favorite post from you! I have like 3 more years of school but it is still scary to think that someday I won't be getting my workbook out and spending 6 hours doing my work.
    Thank you for this post <3 Reya

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    1. YOU GOT THIS. The years will go by fast, but enjoy them while you can. (as hard as it may be... since it's, ya know, school.) I believe in you, Reya!

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  25. I, too, am going to be a senior this year...and I've been having minor mental crises since the end of junior year trying to sort through my feelings about that. You put into words everything I've been thinking subconsciously. Especially about how school may not be fun, but it's known, and it's safe. That's exactly it! That's what I've been feeling this whole time! And that's why I've been confused because since freshman year I really haven't liked school and I thought I would be SO ready to graduate by now. But I'm not. And the way you described it made so much sense. So thanks for putting words to my thoughts.

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    1. Heh, you're not the only one freaking out about this. I'm glad I was able to put this feeling into words -- I worried about it becoming a jumble. (because that's what it seems like in my mind.)

      I hope your senior year goes amazingly, Grace.

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  26. LOVED THIS!!!!!
    I'm going to be a senior this year too and you described my exact thoughts!!

    - Maddy | littlebitofsunshineweb.blogspot.com

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  27. ah, now this. was awesome.
    I'm experiencing so.many new changes too. The challenges and joys of growing older. It's a very crazy time of my life with one thing happening after the other and i just think 'why am i growing up so fast?'
    Like you, I want to grow up, but I'm scared too! So many different things to face..*hides*
    But be assured, that I would be one of those paying a gym game with you. ;D

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    1. Right?? Sometimes I wish time would slow down, but then I wish it would speed up, and ugh I have so many conflicting feelings. xD

      Ha! Good to know if we ever meet someday. ;)

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  28. This is my first week of college (second day, really), and I've been clinging to "I will never leave you nor forsake you." It's the truth you'll need throughout your senior year and whatever is thrown your way after that. :)

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    1. AH REALLY? What kind of classes are you taking? That's a huge step, Madeline. You got this. :D

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  29. Con-freaking-grats! I wish you the best of luck in whatever life gives you! (WOW! I sound so grown up!)
    I'm actually starting my FIRST year of middle school/junior high! I'm KINDA freaking out but THAT'S OK!
    -Dani Jones

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    1. THANK YOUU. Aww and you got this, Dani! Middle school is a big step up but it'll be awesome. :D

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  30. Yayy, Katie! God's Plan is always good for us, even when it seems like it is going by CRAZY FAST. Life is insane, but it is so beautiful. Congrats on being so close to graduating!! :D
    Fall for me... means turning 16, getting my driver's permit and all that, and finishing my novels. It's all insane but God is in total control! :D
    Blessings!
    -Ang | thepeculiarmessenger.wordpress.com

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    1. THANK YOUU.

      Ooh, you're going to get your permit?? That's super exciting. YOU CAN DO THIS. <3

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  31. This is an absolutely lovely post. I need to write something like this, even if I don't publish it, just to decompress...

    This fall I'm taking more dual credit classes, hopefully at least one class at two different colleges. (lots of gas spending lol) I'm also getting back into the whole "online teachers assistant data entry thing." that I did last year.
    So nothing incredibly new. I guess I'm still trying to balance my passions and seek God through that. Except as the years pass my passions are getting more intense?? Like selling art + getting better at it instead of hoarding it, and writing to publish instead of writing to sit in a dusty folder?
    oops I guess I just decompressed in your comments section. Sorry about that. >.<
    Eating pizza curled up with a fuzzy blanket with a movie sounds amazing right about now. XD
    jeniquablog.wordpress.com

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    1. Yess it's very nice to get out all the thoughts <3

      Eww spending gas. And college. And busyness. IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS FALL IS GOING TO BE CRAZY FOR YOU. But you got this, Jeneca. You are an extremely talented and passionate person and you're going to do so many great things! I'm just so excited for what you're going to do. *squeal* <3 <3 <3

      Let's meet and have a movie/pizza/writing night, kay? xD

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  32. I'm also going into senior year and I cannot NOT believe that it has come this fast. As I started reading this, I was excited but I also felt my stomach do weird things. I'm so nervous yet excited to see what God does in the future. It's so crazy because it feels like just yesterday I was like in eighth grade.

    I have a new blog that I would LOVE if you would check out. I used to blog over at Victory...I followed you from my new blog so I would love it if you could check it out!

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    1. I totally understand that nervous and excited feeling. When I was younger I used to call that feeling "nercited." :P

      I'll be sure to give it a visit! <3

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  33. I remember those feelings of going into my senior year! I graduated last year and it was terrifying and exciting all at once. I'm still going through a roller coaster of emotions even now because adulting is hard (let's face it), however as I make decisions on my own I'm growing so much closer to my Jesus!
    You've got this. <3

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  34. This is so relatable as I'm going into my senior year this year as well! Beautiful post Katie, I love your blog! ❤️

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  35. All the best for your senior year! I remember mine went REALLY quickly and in the end I was just flabbergasted that I had to go to college already. College is really nice, and the freedom is cool but the cozy feeling of high school is just something that will never come back.

    (Iridescence @ light up the shining night stars https://lightuptheshiningnightstars.wordpress.com)

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  36. Mhm, yes. Lovely post. <3 We can do this.

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