THE FEAR AND FREEDOM OF FIRST DRAFTS

[note: yes, this post is late. three days late. -.- I had it all ready to go on Friday night, but didn't have the internet to publish this until now. *sobs* It feels very odd to have this go up on a Tuesday, but... enjoy anyways! xD]

Happy eleventh day of Camp NaNoWriMo, everyone! WE'RE MORE THAN A THIRD OF THE WAY THROUGH THE MONTH! *chants* you can do it you can do it you can do it

So far my writing has been going well, which I’m stoked about. Since my mind is basically on a one-track loop around “NaNo! NaNo! NaNo!” I’m going to be talking about first draft writing today. I stalked my own blog (do people do this??) and realized that I don’t write about first drafts very often. I’ve done quite a few wrap-up posts, but they aren’t the same. So here we go – we’re talking about first drafts and allll my feelings for them. :P

(no fancy title image because of the lack of internet. AND ALSO, if I had a personal aesthetic, this picture would be it. I love the distressed white and the pop of color and the fade and chipping of the paint and squeee I could pathetically fangirl about the aesthetic of an old shed. I’ll consider that a special talent. xD)

Basically: I LOVE WRITING FIRST DRAFTS. It’s so exhilarating. There are endless possibilities and paths and characters to adore and plot twists to be written. BUT… along with those endless amounts of possibilities, there are also endless amounts of mistakes. (yaaaay) There’s that touch of fear present in the process.

Fear is an unfortunate part of life. It’s something to constantly work and strive to improve on—learning how to trust God through the struggle—but it will always be there. It’s amazing how easily fear can seep into my writing if I let it. And fear does have its place—I think it helps me look critically at my writing, strives me to do better and work harder and continue to conquer all the things—but it’s important for me to realize that this is a first draft.

It’s also important for me to realize how ridiculous a question like: what if my story isn’t good enough? is. IT’S A STUPID THOUGHT I SHOULD NEVER EVEN BE THINKING AND MUST GATHER MY TROOPS TO BANISH IT FROM MY MIND IMMEDIATELY. (to war! Attaaaaackkk!)

It shouldn’t even be a question that crosses my mind at this point, because of course my story isn’t good. It’s only a little baby right now! The plot is going to be messy. (And if you’re me, it’s very, very, very messy *shudder*) The words in the first draft aren’t going to make perfect sense for most of the time. (or all of the time. ;) 

First drafts are scary if I let them be scary. If I think about that fear of making it perfect, if wondering if this will ever be readable or if this story is “good enough,” I’m going to get bogged down. It’s inevitable, and will totally ruin that fun of writing the first draft.

Rather, I should be thinking questions like, “how can I make my story better? What can I do to improve?” So with this novel, I’m heading into Camp NaNo and writing with freedom. I love writing because I love creating and dreaming and pouring my heart onto the page. If I let the fear escape and work its way onto the page, it will start to ruin the joy of the process.

So, I’m excited about this NaNo. I’m excited about truly enjoying the story and doing my best not to think and fear about the future of it. That’s for editing and years from now. (I feel like parenting can be like an analogy to writing. [Ahem, even though I’ve never parented before.] But you have to enjoy the journey while the story is still tiny! If you focus on the fear and hardships ahead of you that’s going to ruin the adventure and process through the years.)

I’m pumped to explore characters. Explore my story. Write because I love it and it’s my passion. I can’t wait to see my characters grow and change throughout the month, live and die (AHEM), and grow friendships and fall in love and fight evil and IT’S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN. <3

If you get stuck this month on your story, remember that you’re not the only one, and that there’s time to fix the problems later. This is a first draft, and there’s so much freedom in letting your words run free and be messy. The goal isn’t perfection—the goal is to tell the story God has placed on your heart. And that starts with many mistakes and scribbles and pushing through the disaster.

Karen Ball just posted a blog post with scripture that can help battle the writing fears. And that's a very important thing to remember -- if you hit a roadblock, you can always go to Him. He's there and has the hope that we need. (You can always shoot me an email as well and I'll be so willing to talk with you. <3)

We’ll get through this together! I wish you all the best and pray that your powerful words can come smoothly and easily.

<3,

katie grace

                How is camp nanowrimo going for you?

What’s your favorite part of the writing process?